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3 Months in Malaysia: The Feeling of Belonging

Have you ever experienced leaving a place for many years and, upon your return, feel that you've never left?

Unfortunately, it feels that I've been gone a long time from my home country, Malaysia. I feel some form of friction at the workplace, with the language, culture, sensibilities and norms. This is expected and what I perceive to be a natural process of re-acculturation and re-assimilation - re-settling myself into this place I call home. However, the stakes are a lot higher for me and I've got a set of goals for myself. I'll try to highlight one aspect per entry, so this post will be about the process of 're-learning' and 're-education' here in Malaysia.

Having worked at a law firm for two months and now in a political party as a researcher, I've got some serious catching up to do in terms of catching up to speed with the pulse and current affairs of this nation. As I devour books, articles and writings that shed light on the many events that transpired within the 9-year span during which I was in North America, I'm attempting to piece together my personal narrative and interpretation of things. Although I tried to stay abreast of issues when I was abroad, it's difficult with many rumors and unfounded allegations from both the government and civil society. Some sources of information floating online may be true, but printed media is still what I prefer to ascertain the facts. What I'm trying to say is that I've got a lot of catching up to do when it comes to written press, books by prominent Malaysia authors and thinkers, as well as other forms of alternative media such as plays, literature and movies.

I'm learning so much more in a day's work when compared to a day in a lecture hall or study lounge. What's more is that the subject material of my research work is putting me in immediate contact with the nation's heartbeat if you will: its laws, policies and machinery. I'm constantly motivated by the thought that what I'm doing has even the slightest impact or effect on someone's welfare. It's true that I see many discouraging things, but that does not waver my hunger to learn more so that I may offer more in service of others who require just that extra bit of effort or attention.

Re-learning norms, etiquette and what's permissible in social settings is a process that I have to go through. Balancing speech, mannerism and what's socially acceptable is a delicate task, but I'm trying to do so by not compromising my individuality. I sometimes attempt to re-shape norms by explaining politely and in a not very condescending way that some Malaysian norms are simply not sustainable anymore. Most of the time I fail, but at least I've tried diplomatically and with the best intentions in mind. No matter, we'll keep trying. Rome was not built in a day and I'm sure my fellow countrymen will soon catch-on, that some things shouldn't be said while other forms of communication or expressions should be encouraged. Often, there is a clash between what is socially permissible and what I call 'suppressed mentalities'.

For example, the ability to speak one's mind is a crucial form of self-expression and it lies at the core of democratic society. I often hear the excuse that 'Malaysians are not good at expressing themselves'. What nonsense is this? The fact that I went to Canada or the States should not give me an upper-hand in this department; rather, based on the situation here in Malaysia, I would expect and encourage people to speak their minds, not behind the safety and anonymity of their keyboards and computer screens; rather, out in the open with clarity and conviction. If you're unhappy about the transportation system, complain and suggest possible changes. Be constructive in your expressions and most importantly, respectful. If you see lazy people, admonish them and set the example by having a good work ethic yourself.

It's time that we walk the talk and have a norm of expressing ourselves. I'm constantly met with the challenge of balancing my self-expression with what is socially acceptable and what comes out of it is a dilemma of identity. I'm seeking to address this by re-shaping my Malaysian identity and getting others to subscribe to this mode of thinking, that to be Malaysian is to be self-expressive.

I still have to learn and re-educate myself with Malaysia so that I may interact with people here better and to learn about my country in ways that I've never sought to before.

Do I feel that I belong here? Most certainly, but I'm not conforming. I'm engineering my own identity as a Malaysian: the self-expressive individual, cowed by no-one, but still respectful.






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