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Day 5 + Day 6 : Leaving home for WorldMUN & Grandparents' Love

3:03 am, Lavender Street, Singapore

My morning call is in less than 4 hours but I am determined to convey the turbulent emotions which have left me griping in the past two days. These feelings I speak of are quite intrinsic to humanity: the bittersweetness of goodbyes and love's resistance against separation. These forces have ground against every fiber of my soul, simply because I am not particularly fond of farewells.

I capped my very brief trip in Penang by spending the little time I had left with my loved ones. Amidst the food and jubilant laughter, the hour of departure is often obscured. But when the hour approaches, the looming prospect of boarding a plane and turning your back on those you love always bites into my sanity. The ordeal of leaving those you love behind was not meant to be shouldered by frail humans like us. I often find it Herculean to suppress much of my emotions when others are expressing them through tears; and I often deem the whole process of separation as excruciating.

I bid my town, my family and my loved ones goodbye for yet another time. It has been the 4th time in 3 years and it is sickening.What has absolutely torn my spirits is the thought of leaving my grandparents to another bout of loneliness, of despair and mundane routine. When I stay with them during my trips back, they smile, laugh and talk more. My presence somehow invigorates their limbs and senses, and I reciprocate by spending all the time that I could spare with them. We would sit under the front porch and just talk under the cool, evening breeze. My grandparents are aging - gracefully but surely; and it is saddening to contemplate the isolated predicament they are in.

They fend for themselves but receive very little in return. Their pillars of support, their children, have moved away from them and those who remain close are too busy to lend them assistance or just plain, simple accompaniment. They are often in the middle of intra-family conflicts, and many within my family have not-so-kind things to say about them.

Yet, they still give and love. They have inspired me to be humble and work hard for a good living; and to never shy away from adversity. They have taught me to put God and my elders first while acting upon my morals and principles in an enlightened manner. I say all of this because I am greatly indebted to their servitude as selfless parents and authoritative figures of my family. I also wish to remind myself to be grateful to my very own parents in my journey down this never-ending road, while remembering my roots and upbringing in this grueling odyssey.

As I leave Penang, I leave behind those who are dear to me, but to quote John Donne in his Valediction:

'Though I must go, endure not yet  
A breach, but an expansion,  
Like gold to airy thinness beat. ' 

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